Freshman year of high school (about seven years ago) I had no idea how lost I was.  I had moved back to California the previous year with my older brother, father, and his fiancé.  Out of the three people, the relationship with my brother was the only one I could imagine was close to “normal.” By the pre-teen years, Michael and I had discovered that we had to stick together, while still remembering what brothers close in age are meant to do; irritate each other.

My relationship with my parents was broken at an early age, they split when I was eight and divorced by the time I was ten. I had gone four years without seeing my mom in California until we moved back, and I was starting to think I was old enough to stand up for what I believed to be right, I believed my dad to be wrong.  School was another issue. Amijo High School was my ninth new school. At this point I was exhausted trying to fit in, but still made it a priority even though I was never successful.  This only led to frustration and I began regretting meeting new people. I thought all relationships would turn out to be false and hurtful.

I convinced myself I had it under control, even though it had me.  Dealing with bickering parents, a dominant older brother, and a new public school almost every year pinned me into a corner. I fought this the only way I could, developing a false strength through anger. Calling my dad from the dean’s office or having a kid wait for me outside the bus stop was not unusual. I verbal fought with my parents and brother constantly and became numb with anger - the only way I could cope.

But that year brought change. Longing for acceptance, I followed my brother to his youth group. I look back on it now in awe, because it’s the smallest thing that causes a change reaction. I didn’t know it then, but God was putting my life together. For the first time since grade school I had friends. Real friends. I started to question my motives in life and was constantly challenged by our youth pastor Walt Bales. I knew that I wanted to live by a higher set of morals, an integrity that led to the breakdown of my destructive relationship with my father, only to be rebuilt with love and trust. My relationship with my brother found its way back to the “you watch my back, I’ll watch yours” principal it was based on. Life was good, still not easy, but good. Due to these fundamental relationships that God placed in my life, my heart was transformed. Anger is no longer a beast that I constantly wrestle. I now have a love for people; in fact if you see me I will most likely give you a hug. I no longer avoid new introductions, and enjoy meeting people and making them feel welcome. I look back on this as one of the most influential times in my life, I started off lost, but God gave me a bearing to discover who I was.